333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of the Tardis
by iTorchic
Summary: Based off of '333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart' and '333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of the UN'. Rated T. Semi-crack. Containing all characters and rare instances where a thing known as sanity appears.
1. 1 through 5

_Hello everyone in the Doctor Who fandom! So I've been lurking around here for over a year and finally decided to give it a shot with a semi!crack fic. I have two of these out so far in other fandoms so we'll see how this goes!_

_I hope you'll all enjoy this because either way, I'm gonna be having some fun!_

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**1\. Sneak things onto the TARDIS**

It wasn't really a rare occurrence for someone or something to unexpectedly appear on the TARDIS especially when the Doctor was around. He was most notable for sneaking various animals he made friends with onto the ship past his companions to where they live even today.

Rumors are that you could go on a safari around animals from all seven earth continents as well as from 30 different planets.

The only time when the Doctor was almost compromised was when Amy Pond was roaming around one night, completely exhausted, when suddenly she heard the Doctor yelp and go riding past her on a white horse that she heard him call Arthur.

Instead of going for her coffee run, she merely turned around and went back to her bunk bed.

**2\. Have a normal night out**

Wanting a small reprieve from all of the dashing around for at least one night, Rose suggested to the boys that they should go out for the night and have some fun, Earth 2005 style.

That's how the Doctor, Jack, Mickey, and Rose ended up at a karaoke bar slightly tipsy on banana daiquiris and wearing wigs and cheap sunglasses.

Rose, to this day, still carries a picture she got of the Doctor in his leather jacket and big ears wearing a rainbow afro wig and pink star sunglasses. She never even told him she had it.

**3\. Attend a companion support group**

Thanks to one Jack Harkness and a recently repaired vortex manipulator, the first companion support group commenced and the group was large to say the least.

Topics included "How to distract the Doctor", "How many times have you been threatened by royalty", and "Creative ways of dealing with Daleks".

Meetings occur semi-whenever-Jack's-vortex-manipulator-works.

**4\. Use creative escape methods**

Sarah Jane Smith had to hand it to the Doctor; his scarf may be ridiculous, but being able to stop a bomb as well as make a great thing to zip line down without it unraveling a single string was an amazing thing.

**5\. Perform unusual tasks at work**

Martha Jones was an invaluable asset to UNIT not just for her medicals prowess but also for being able to fix nearly anything or get out of any situation.

When asked how she did this, Martha replied "Oh, just a class in jiggery-pokery and lessons himself from the Oncoming Babble."

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_This will be including all of the Doctors and as many companions as I can work with! If you have any suggestions that'd be wonderful! Thanks!_


	2. 6 through 10

_Back once more! Glad to know people are getting excited about this!_

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**6\. **It wasn't the most dignified place for them, but it's where they hung out after a nice night of feeding.

Plus, it wasn't often that people saw Weeping Angels decked out in glow sticks and shutter sunglasses.

Well, if they did then they weren't there long.

**7\. Leave snacks**

Tegan and Adric had always joked about the celery stick attached to the lapel of the Doctor's jacket and had fun every time they stopped at a marketplace looking for new vegetables and fruits to hide on him and pin to the back of his jacket.

The most notable thing they had done was release some rabbits on the jacket when the Doctor had taken it off to make some repairs to the Tardis. The dismayed look on his face had them laughing for hours as the Time Lord grumbled about for a day to find a new piece of celery.

**8\. Create an identity**

When the Doctor was just starting out, the name John Smith was never one of the 'common alias' names on Earth. The Time Lord ended up using it so much that the name itself became known as the most typical alias around.

"I don't get it! I've always used that name! Why do they think I'm faking it?!"

**9\. Make short videos**

When Vine became popular, Jack Harkness knew it was his time to shine. Armed with the username CaptJack69, he quickly rose to fame for all of the stupid stuff he could do without being able to stay dead.

"Gwen! Get this on camera!"

"Are you tightrope walking on top of an electric fence?"

"Yeah! Rubber soles! Now I just have to not sli-"

_ZZZZZPPPT_

"You alright?...Jack?"

**10\. Solve boredom**

The Cybermen had time to kill before they were set to invade earth once more and found that in their past memories they had some ideas of what they could do with a robot body.

That was how the Doctor, after sneaking onto the ship early, found at least a dozen Cybermen doing the robot.

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_Ha._


	3. 11 through 15

Yeah…I forgot I had this fic to be honest leading to a 9 month hiatus but…yeah…junior year of college is hard.

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**11\. Let the enemies take care of themselves**

It wasn't intentional that they led the Daleks to a frozen lake on a frozen planet but the Doctor and Martha weren't exactly going to complain when they escaped pretty easily once the Daleks got on the ice. To say that they acted like flailing sentient hockey pucks would be an understatement.

Deciding that they'd be safe from a hidden location on shore, the shrieks of frustration from the metal cased creatures kept them amused for at least an hour before they decided to leave since the native population had evacuated.

**12\. Get Wasted**

It wasn't even intentional. Jack had merely gotten some alien fruit drinks at the hub they had stopped at in a popular baazar for him, the Doc, and Rose to enjoy while taking in the sights.

What he hadn't expected was the 'superior Time Lord biology' of ol' big ears to treat the perfectly fine drink for humans as something that could be 50 proof.

"Should we really leave him out here Jack?"

"I dunno Rose. He has to do something while we go find pretty much all of his clothes. I have to admit, he strips pretty quickly if provoked in the right way…"

"You mean if you tell him a Cyberman challenged his intellect in a contest and that they only allowed those in their underwear to compete."

"Correct."

"…you better send me pictures…"

**13\. Reenact a Movie**

It probably wasn't the best idea to go to Camelot when they didn't even know if King Arthur truly existed, but to try and deliver a large wooden rabbit to a castle and prompt a good majority of the population to use coconuts when running around was an amusing idea to say the least, at least for Clara.

**14\. Attempt to find new solutions**

Donna was running out of methods of controlling the mad man who she travelled with when he ran off and she couldn't always keep up. However, with that oratory fascination of his, it was pretty easy to Palov train him to subtly comply every once in a while. And if he didn't find out, that was all the better.

**15\. Do something different**

"Has it ever occurred to you that you could use the Tardis to do some extreme sports?"

"Yeah…why?"

"…can we bungee jump out of the Tardis?"

"…at this point, why not?"


End file.
